How's your halo?
by smaragdbird
Summary: Bobby promises the newly arrived Warren that the X-Men will free his friend Jimmy from Worthington's labs but is quickly disillusioned when political reasoning counts more than the freedom of a mutant boy. Slash John/Bobby


It's been a long year

Since we last spoke

How's your halo?

Just between you and I

You and me and the satellites

I never believed you

I only wanted to

Strays Don't Sleep - For Blue Skies

The attainment of an ideal is often the beginning of a disillusion.

Stanley Baldwin

Bobby couldn't say when it had started. The doubts. The second-guessing. The contemplating of their actions compared to their words.

But he knew where it had ended. It ended on the day where he had found Warren Worthington on the front lawn, exhausted and shivering but with the beauty of an angel, pleading with a single mindedness that usually only people on their death bed showed that the X-Men would rescue his friend Jimmy from his father's labs.

'How is he?' Bobby asked as soon as Hank came through the door of Xavier's office. With Jean gone they had no longer a regular doctor in the school and if something serious arouse, they called either Hank or Dr. Taggart.

'He's just exhausted. Judging by the state of atrophy on his back muscles he barely if ever has used his wings before. It's nothing that food, a shower and sleep won't cure.' Hank reassured him.

'Do you know who Jimmy is?' Bobby knew that Hank had visited Worthington's labs just a few days ago.

'Yes, I do. He's the boy whose mutation is to erase other mutant's abilities. Worthington uses him as the base for his Cure.'

'Did you meet Warren there?'

'No, before today I didn't even know that Worthington still had a son. Any trace of him disappeared ten years ago. It was generally presumed that he had committed suicide at the outbreak of his mutation and his father tried t cover it up, at least this is what Worthington let the press imply.' Hank looked a bit disgusted with himself that he had believed it.

'Bobby,' Ororo had appeared next to them: 'Would it be a problem for you if we put Warren in your room?'

Bobby thought of John's long unused bed, of dust gathering in empty drawers and the dull brightness of a light bulb compared to the warm orange of a flickering fire.

'No,' He assured her: 'I don't mind.'

He greeted Warren at the door to the infirmary. Despite being inside and the day being warm and sunny in general Warren had a blanket draped over his wings. He reminded Bobby of a frightened animal.

'Hi, I'm Bobby, Bobby Drake or Iceman sometimes.' He gave Warren a bright and friendly smile.

'Iceman?' Warren asked predictably.

'Most of us here sooner or later adopt a codename. Sometimes it has something to do with our power.' He held his open palm in front of Warren and created a small ice bird on it.

Warren carefully touched it with his fingertips.

'It's cold.' He said his voice full of wonder.

'Yeah, imagine you're late for school and accidentally freeze the shower.' He slapped Warren on the shoulder: 'Come on. As your new roommate it's my duty to introduce you to your room. I hope you don't mind sharing, we're a bit overbooked at the moment.'

'No, no I don't mind. I…' He suddenly glanced at Bobby with a desperate look in his eyes: 'Are you going to help Jimmy?'

'Yes, we will. That's what the X-Men are there for.' He opened a door: 'Here we are.'

Warren went instantly to the window.

'There are no bars.'

'Of course not. I hope you don't mind the scorch marks. My last – roommate was a fire mutant.'

'Was?'

'He left two years ago. Personal issues.'

Bobby tool Warren with him to show him the mansion and the grounds around it. Predictably some of the girls cooed over Warren's wings, but Bobby noticed Warren's uneasiness. He introduced him to Kitty, Piotr and Jubilee.

'Kitty 'Shadowcat' Pryde, Piotr 'Colossus' Rasputin and-'

'And Jubilee. Just Jubilee. Ever.' She glared at Bobby, daring him to contradict her.

'Warren Worthington the third.'

'Are your brothers numerated, too?' Jubilee demanded to know.

'I don't have any brothers or sisters.'

'You need a codename.' Jubilee decided: 'Definitely.'

'Wings?' Kitty suggested.

'Skywalker?' Jubilee threw in.

'Flying beauty.' Warren blushed at Piotr's words.

'How about Angel?' Everybody but Warren groaned it that suggestion.

'Angel.' Warren said softly: 'I like that.'

John made clear with a single look that he wanted to speak with Magneto in private. As soon as the hatch doors closed, John crossed the room with a few, fast steps.

'How could you? She's one of us!' he yelled.

'She was one of us.' Magneto replied calmly.

'She saved your life! Do you think that she would have left you there if you had been in her place?' His anger made John hypersensitive to any source of fire: a smoking cigarette, the spark in a torch; the urge to instinctively draw a flame was overwhelming.

'We know nothing about the Cure. Maybe it's not permanent.' He tried to argue.

'She's not one of us anymore, Pyro, accept it.' Magneto told him evenly.

'So if it was me, you would just leave me too?' John nearly choked on his own words.

'Yes.'

'That's it then, huh? Fuck you. Fuck you to hell.' John stormed outside and what hurt even worse, Magneto didn't try to stop him. No one had ever cared enough about him to try to stop him from running away.

'Bobby?' Bobby woke to Warren standing next to his bed, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

'Angel?' Bobby asked groggily: 'Is something wrong?

'I can't sleep.' Warren whispered, almost as if he were afraid that someone could hear them: 'can I sleep with you?'

'What?' Was the wrong thing to say, because Warren immediately recoiled.

'Sorry, sorry I woke you. Please forget I said anything.' Before he could step out of Bobby's reach, Bobby grabbed his wrist:

'Relax Angel. I was just surprised.' He tugged at Warren's wrist until Warren sat down on the bed and wrapped his arms around his knees, the blanket securely wrapped around his body.

'You're not used to sleeping alone?'

'Jimmy and I, we used to share. It made us feel less lonely. You can try to extradite Jimmy for me, if you think you can make my father do it.' Bobby realized with horror that Warren was completely serious.

'No one is going to extradite you. Holding Jimmy captive is wrong and we'll free him.'

'How?' Warren asked: 'Even the government sanctioned it. We're mutants. We're not that important to them. As long as they see Jimmy in this clean white room with toys and well feed and without any obvious physical damage it's okay to keep him.' Warren didn't look at Bobby while he spoke but it was like a dam was broken: the ten years of imprisonment by his father, the tests to determine what made him a freak and how to cure it. Warren told him about Stryker's interest in his father's research and how that man had looked at him with the contempt of someone looking at a rabid dog.

Then Jimmy's arrival two years ago: his first friend in eight years. Bobby flinched when Warren described the pain the Professor had induced on all mutants when under Stryker's influence. He told Bobby of the tests and experiments they did with Jimmy, drawing blood, syringe after syringe until his lips were blue and he had been shaking.

John sat down at the poker table in the bar and said to the man on the other side of it:

'You owe me ten bucks.'

'Back in town, I see.' Replied the man.

'I need a place to stay.'

'I know. The grapevine travels faster than you, chér.'

John caught the keys thrown at him.

'Don't set anything on fire.' The man warned him which John acquitted with an eyeroll before he left.

'Bobby. Warren.'

'Ororo, Hank.' Bobby greeted them the next morning in Ororo's office. Logan sat at the windowsill and said nothing: 'I wanted to know when we are going to Alcatraz?'

'Alcatraz?' Hank asked, looking as perplexed as Ororo: 'Why should we go to Alcatraz?'

'Because they hold Jimmy, Warren's friends captive there.' Bobby explained as if that should have been obvious. Both Hank and Ororo gave him sad looks:

'It's not that easy, Bobby.' Ororo began.

'The government allows Worthington to keep the boy there for research purposes. I've been there myself, they treat him decently.'

'You mean they cover it up decently.' Bobby argued: 'Warren told me about the experiments and lab tests they do with Jimmy.'

'These are difficult times.' Hank lectured: 'We can't simply make demands.'

'Hank's right Bobby.' Ororo looked a bit desperate: 'We can't just kidnap a boy from his home if we want to keep this school open, especially now with the Professor gone.'

'But they torture him!' Bobby couldn't believe what he was hearing. To him this sounded a lot like 'the greater good', a phrase he usually associated with Magneto and not with his own people. At least Logan looked distinctly unhappy, too.

'You can try to extradite Jimmy for me, if you think you can make my father do it.' Warren repeated his offer from the previous night.

'It won't work like that. I'm sorry, son.' Hank put a hand on Warren's shoulder: 'But we need to see how this conflict will evolve before we can help your friend.'

Warren's resigned: 'I understand.' Only served to make Bobby angrier. He wondered if John had felt like this and for the first time understood why John had chosen the other side of the war.

'We'll get Jimmy out.' Bobby promised Warren outside.

'It's okay, Bobby, I understand.' Warren answered: 'One mutant is not worth to provoke the anger of the government. It's my fault anyway. I was not strong enough to carry Jimmy with me.'

'You had no choice.' Bobby used what Warren had told him last night to prove him wrong: 'They were going to cure you.'

'It was selfish. I've put my wings above my friend's life.'

'No, it wasn't. Your wings are part of what you are. It's like chopping someone's hands or feet off. I know someone else who could help us.'

'I hope you don't plan on joining Magneto.' Logan had turned up behind them.

'I was thinking about John.' Bobby replied: 'Magneto's not happy with the Cure either but he has none of Ororo's objections against taking actions against Worthington.'

'You need to find your old friend first.' Logan pointed out. Bobby felt a bit uncomfortable at the way Logan pronounced 'old friend'. He had never been sure if Logan with all his advanced senses hadn't somehow smelled what had been going on between him and John. Logan fished a crumpled piece of paper out of his jacket:

'Go there. He's an old friend and centre of the mutant grapevine. If someone knows where to find Pyro then he does.'

The paper read: Remy LeBeau and an address in New Orleans.

John opened the door of Remy's flat.

'John?!' He had to be hallucinating because in front of him was Bobby, accompanied by a literal angel: 'What are you doing here?'

'I live here.' John pointed out: 'What are **you** doing here?'

'I'm looking for you. Logan gave me this address to ask a Remy LeBeau about you and-'John stopped Bobby's babbling by bellowing:

'Gambit!'

Remy danced into the room, annoyingly sexy as usual.

'Qui, chér?' He asked, and then he spotted the angel: 'Johnny, we have an angel on our doorstep.'

'We have my ex on our doorstep because you can't keep your mouth shut around Logan.' John snapped at his flatmate. Only now Remy seemed to notice Bobby:

'You are Robert then?'

'Bobby.'

John said something in French that sounded nasty and Remy replied with something in a similar tone.

'And the angel is?' Remy practically devoured the other mutant with his eyes.

'Angel.'

'Ten to one this nickname came from Bobby.' John let himself fall into an armchair that had seen better days somewhere along the beginning of the last century.

'Because translating the element your mutation works with into Latin is much more original.' Bobby snapped back.

'Angel? Iceman? If you had named her Kitty would probably be called Ghost.' John snarled.

'This from the guy whose leader is named like a Pokémon.'

'Why don't you two sort this out and I take angel-boy with me?' Remy asked with a lecherous smile in Warren's direction, who clearly hadn't been in the centre of such attention before. Bobby threw John a look as if to ask him whether it was okay to leave his friend alone with Remy. John shrugged. Being with Remy wasn't the safest one could be but the list of worse company was considerably longer than the one of better company.

Remy must have had seen his gesture, because he already had an arm over Angel's shoulders and dragged him downstairs.

'What do you want Bobby?' John asked, still slumped in his armchair.

'I'm going to leave the X-Men.' Bobby announced: 'And I want to be part of the attack on Alcatraz.'

'Why do you think there will be an attack?'

'I'm not stupid, John.'

'Yes you are. '

'I know you don't trust me but-'

'I don't know when the attack will be.'

'How can you not know?'

'I may have had a minor fall out with Magneto.' John said with an ironic smile.

'Just tell me where he is. I promised to get the boy that Worthington uses for his 'Cure' out of there.'

'Why are you really here?' John rose from his armchair and faced Bobby: 'And don't give that 'I need to find the Brotherhood' shit. We're not exactly avoiding other mutants. Why me? Why now? Did your girlfriend dumb you?'

'Rogue left a few days ago, but that has nothing to do with this. You were just the first person I could think about.' Bobby said helplessly: 'I thought we were friends.'

'It's been two years, Bobby. Don't you think that's a bit long to pick up our friendship?'

'I tried to find you, but the Professor wouldn't help me.' Bobby pleaded and reached out to touch John but John immediately recoiled and said:

'Bobby.'

He said it like he was hurting him.

'It's been two years Bobby. I think you should go. Take your angel and go back to the Professor. Magneto has nothing to offer to you.'

'I won't go and let you vanish for years again.' Bobby didn't understand why John was pushing him away: 'You could back with me.'

'Thanks for the offer but I'm going to go back to Magneto.'

'But you said-'

'I know what I said.' John interrupted him: 'But he's the only one I have.'

'What about this Remy-guy?'

'What about him?'

'I thought maybe you and him.' Bobby felt himself blush.

'Because we live together? You and I slept in the same room for some years and nothing ever happened.'

'You had Piotr.' Bobby answered defensively. John had never so much as hinted that he had wanted more than Bobby's friendship.

'Sure, I had Piotr.' John laughed humorlessly: 'That's why I spent all my free time with you. That's why I ran straight to you when the mansion was attacked.'

'What do you want me to say?' Bobby wanted to know.

'Don't you fucking get it? I don't want to be in love with you! But I am, I have been all this time and it never ends no matter where I go and what I do and I think you should really go now.'

Bobby kissed him.

He felt John's hand push weakly against his shoulders until John surrendered and kissed him back. Kissing John was different than kissing Rogue, there was no panic; no fear just a feeling of rightness.

John pushed him back and took a deep breath. Only now Bobby noticed that he, too, was in need of oxygen.

'I think you should go.' Despite his panting, John sounded sincere, like he really wanted Bobby gone now.

''You told me that you're in love with me, don't you think we should speak about it?'

'No, in fact I'd rather have you forgetting everything that happened here.'

'What if I can't?'

'Try.'

'Have you ever thought that I could feel the same way?'

'Great.' John rolled his eyes in synch to his biting tone.

'Isn't this what you hoped would happen? Me admitting that I may love you too?'

'No, actually it wasn't what I was hoping for at all.'

'What then?'

'You want to know why I told you. Fine.' John huffed: 'I told to drive you away. That you would be disgusted at the very idea. I was hoping to shatter any fantasies I had about you and me so I could finally move on.'

'Why?'

'Why? Have you ever been this dumb or did I just not notice? Apart from the fact that we stand on different sides of the war it's ridiculous to think a relationship between us could ever work.'

'Why not when you love me and I love you?'

'Rogue?'

'Has left me. I think you're scared. You're afraid of getting hurt. That's it, isn't it? You're scared.'

'I'm realistic.'

'Realistic? Do you want to know what's realistic, John?' If you just told me for me to push you away, to shatter your illusions, then why did you kiss me back? You want me to want you as much as you want me. Big surprise: I do. I love you.'

'If you do then you will take your friend and go back to the mansion. Disillusionment doesn't mean you haven't given up your morals too. Just because you discovered that the good guys can be a little grey too, doesn't mean the bad guys are suddenly good.'

'I don't think the world is black and white.' Bobby protested.

'Yeah, you do.' John smirked: 'It's part of the reason why I feel about you the way that I do.'

'What do you want me to do?'

'Come back after this whole 'Cure' thing is resolved, that is, if you still want to come back then. Remy usually knows where to find me.'

Epilogue

Bobby had left Angel reunited with Jimmy in the mansion. He was sorry to leave his friends but this wasn't his life, not anymore. He wasn't able to make compromises if it came to the happiness of his friends.

And it wasn't goodbye either. He would see them all again; Kitty and Ororo, Piotr, Hank, Rogue, Logan, Angel and Jubilee, just not as an X-Men.

The park Remy had send him to was filled with people who used this sunny Sunday to tan their skin and play chess under a bright, blue sky.

Bobby could see John with Magneto and a beautiful woman Bobby had never see before until he came nearer and saw that her eyes were yellow and black.

John turned around and gave him a breath-taking smile that Bobby returned with relief and happiness flooding his chest.

Magneto said something to John and John stood up and came over.

'See,' Bobby said: 'I told you I love you.'

'Yeah, well' John rolled his eyes: 'It would be embarrassing for you to be wrong all the time.'

'When was I wrong-'John kissed him to shut him up as much as to just kiss him, but Bobby wasn't going to complain.


End file.
